The Guilt of Depression
Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s not just a loss of interest in life and it’s not just fatigue. It’s also not just the feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
Those are the symptoms of depression that most people are familiar with and think about when they hear the word “depressed,” but for many people struggling with depression there is another often quieter burden they are also carrying.
That burden is the guilt for having depression in the first place.
“I have no reason to be depressed.”
As a therapist that specializes in treating depression, I often hear my clients say things like: “I have no right to feel this way,” “I shouldn’t be depressed over this,” or “my life is so much better than many people’s so I shouldn’t be depressed about it.”
For many of my clients, these thoughts are playing in their heads on repeat. So not only are they struggling with depression, but now they are also experiencing guilt, shame, or embarrassment about their depression.
Those feelings alone make them feel like they have to hide their depression from the people they care about. Those feelings can make what is already a lonely experience, feel that much more lonely.
You may have depression, but you don’t have to feel guilty about it.
Guilt is one of the heaviest emotions to work through and to get rid of it we have to look at what guilt actually is.
Guilt is what we call a manufactured emotion. Manufactured emotions come up exactly like their name says-they’re “manufactured” or created.
These emotions are manufactured by your thoughts.
Manufactured emotions, like guilt, always come after a thought. You might notice the feeling of guilt first, but there was a thought that preceded it. You often have to work backwards to identify what the thought was.
When it comes to experiencing, guilt, the most common type of thought that causes it is a “should” thought.
A should thought either starts with “I should” or “I shouldn’t.” They might sound like this:
“I should just be happy with what I have.”
“I shouldn’t be depressed right now.”
Whenever we have a “should” thought, we are typically doing the opposite of the thing we think we are supposed to be doing. So, either we think we “should” be doing something (i.e., be happy), but we aren’t happy, so now we feel guilty. Or we think we “shouldn’t” be doing something (i.e., be depressed), but we are depressed, so we also feel guilty.
Guilt creates a second problem.
Depression is hard enough as it is and adding the feelings of guilt to it only makes it harder, heavier, and more complicated. Guilt can become its own problem on top of depression.
When you’re stuck in guilt, it’s hard to actually address your depression because the guilt starts to mask it.
If getting to the root of depression is your goal, you have to be able to get guilt out of the way first.
When your thoughts change, your guilt can too.
The easiest and most effective way to change “should” thoughts is to replace them with a “I would” or “I wish” thought. They might sound like this:
“I wish I felt happier than I do right now.”
“I wish depression wasn’t weighing me down.”
When you change to an “I wish” statement you still get to acknowledge that you’re not happy with the current circumstances, but in such a way that you’re not also shaming yourself for feeling the way you do.
If trying to change your thoughts alone sounds hard, depression counseling can help offer you support and guidance. You don’t have to figure this out by yourself and there is support whether you find that here or with another therapist. Feel free to ask questions or schedule a session with me using the button below.
